Sunday, September 6, 2020

Shadow Work

I am so, so angry and I can't pin it down to one thing. I think it's because of this fake pandemic and the fact that I can't deal with how gullible people are. But mainly it's because all of this is preventing me from grieving the loss of my dear Dad. I miss him so much and I'm scared because all of the responsibility to care for my family is on my shoulders now. I'm angry because I want the space to feel sad, to cry and to nurture myself but I can't because there's so much to do. And I want to feel happy and joyful because I know it's the Great Awakening and that things will get better but I can't feel that joy. I'm stuck in the doldrums and everything is heavy and I don't have the strength to lift it. It is that ... a sadness. A heavy, heavy sadness. It's got so big because I didn't have time to feel it and give it the attention it deserved. Now it's so huge I can't ignore it anymore. But I want the world to go away because people expect me to carry on and be normal when all I want to do is to hide away in a cave like a big, fat bear.

Another animal sign. This time the bear. A couple of days ago it was the praying mantis. First a baby one on the wall where I was sat, then another on the long grass I was cutting. Both rare white ones. The third one was when I was thinking about the first two, suddenly a big, beautiful green one with hypnotic eyes appeared on my Facebook feed. The praying mantis asks you to stop and take time to look within, to connect with spirit. I have been suffering because I have felt like my connection was lost. When I tried to meditate, all I could feel was anger at everyone and everything and so I ran away from it. I didn't have time for that. There was too much to do.

My Medicine Cards book says of the bear,

"The strength of Bear medicine is the power of introspection. It lies in the West on the great medicine wheel of life. Bear seeks honey, or the sweetness of truth, within the hollow of an old tree. In the winter, when the Ice Queen reigns and the face of death is upon the Earth, Bear enters the womb-cave to hibernate, to digest the year's experience. It is said that our goals reside in the West also. To accomplish the goals and dreams that we carry, the art of introspection is necessary.

To become like Bear and enter the safety of the womb-cave, we must attune ourselves to the energies of the Eternal Mother, and receive nourishment from the placenta of the Great Void. The Great Void is the place where all solutions and answers live in harmony with the questions that fill our realities. If we choose to believe that there are many questions to life, we must also believe that the answers to these questions reside within us. Each and every being has the capacity to quiet the mind, enter the silence, and know.

Many tribes have called this space of inner-knowing the Dream Lodge, where the death of the illusion of physical reality overlays the expansiveness of eternity. It is in the Dream Lodge that our ancestors sit in Council and advise us regarding the alternative pathways that lead to our goals. This is the power of Bear.