Sunday, February 17, 2019

Blue Rays

I met someone very special last week and she has already made a huge difference in my life. I met her through Facebook in a group I'm in. I had posted something on a post about twin flames which I never normally do because I don't want to bore people with my sad story. But I've been caught in a holding pattern, going round and round with no way out of my circular thinking. So out of desperation, I posted something about my twin flame story. The only person who replied to me was another twin flame and she immediately showed great compassion and insight into my predicament. I responded to her with thanks and we went back and forth until she said I could private message her if I wished.

Normally, I would feel shy to do so but this time I decided that she was someone who was offering advice that actually made sense. So I messaged her and we ended up talking until 3am. We discovered that we have a lot in common, not least that we are both twins. We are both Capricorns and, true to our sign, we were both cautious and needed to make sure that we were both twins by comparing the signs and synchronicities we had both experienced. I am always sceptical because there are so many people on the internet who think they are twins but they are just having an intense connection with someone.

My new friend and I quickly established that we both had very similar stories. We are one year apart in age and both of our father's had left when we were young so we have suffered from abandonment issues. Both of us have twins that are quite a bit younger than us, as is usual (twins are rarely the same age), and, even more synchronistically, both of our twins come from the same country which is different to our own - she is Swedish and I am British. The big difference between she and I is that she and her twin are in physical union. He moved to Sweden to live with her and her daughter. This I found fascinating because I have never spoken to another twin, let alone one who is in physical union. She is further along the path than I am and I feel a little in awe of her because she seems so wise. We have chatted three times now and I feel able to tell her things I haven't told anyone because I know she understands me. She's been through it all already.

Today she helped me realise that the anger I felt towards my twin is actually anger towards my father for leaving. It is so deeply buried that I didn't realise I still harboured such angry feelings. I see my father once or twice a year and I don't feel anger towards him when I see him. I understand why he left and I know that it would have been worse for he and my mother if he had stayed just for me. But this is the adult talking. The child inside me doesn't understand. The child inside me only feels anger, grief, confusion and despair. The child inside me waited in the front garden for him to return and, when he didn't, she left home looking for him. The child inside me waited in her Wendy house one summer in the garden, certain that he was coming, waiting to show him how tidy she kept it. The child spent days or weeks or months believing that he would come, until one day he did. She saw him sitting in the car outside while his friend came to the door. She told her mother who made him come inside. The child was ecstatic to know that he had come back for her but crushed when he went away again and she heard nothing more.

My new friend has helped me to see that the healing of such wounds takes time. She has helped me understand that my twin is helping me to truly heal by reopening my wounds that have closed over but not healed. When he reflects to me over and over my unworthiness he shows me how I feel about myself. He is my mirror. When I direct my anger at him, she said, I am really directing it at myself because we are one. I knew this before but I had fallen back into scepticism and had forgotten that truth. Or perhaps I only knew it conceptually and not as I do now, experientially. If he has felt my anger I hope he will forgive me. He needs to know that it comes from my fear of being hurt again.

I am beginning to understand that in order to heal I must face the child and really listen to her. I have hurt her by turning away from her and not listening to her. I see now that I ignored and belittled her pain as though what she felt didn't matter because she was just a child. I promise her that I will listen when she tells me of her pain and sadness. I am the only one who can soothe her and kiss her better.

Each time I have spoken to my new friend I have felt transformed and I realise that my vibration has risen. What is different is that I don't feel so alone anymore. She asked me if I was a blue ray. I told her I didn't know so she sent me this link (below). It does sound a lot like me. The sensitivity sounds like the way I was when I was a child. It has been dulled as I've got older due to the harshness of this world and the need to show a hard exterior to others who despise sensitivity because it is perceived to be weakness. Blue has always been my favourite colour and I've always seen myself as having a blue tinge to my skin, or maybe I can see my own aura. When I moved to the town where I live now, I felt it was very important for me that its patron saint is Archangel Michael, but I had no idea why. I am not a water sign but people often think I am. The ruling planet of my sun sign, Saturn, is in Pisces in my chart which is significant astrologically. I am different to other members of my family, especially my adopted family - we are like chalk and cheese. But my mother and fathers are very loving people and put up with my spiritual and philosophical outlook and my strange beliefs and 'knowings'. I run away from leadership positions and being in the spotlight. Becoming a teacher has been extremely hard for me - a real test. I don't want to be noticed and prefer to remain in the background. But I see this changing in the future as I step into my power and my true role here. One trait that I really, really resonate with is that we are transmuters of negative energy. That makes complete sense to me and explains why I get so drained by people, especially crowds of people. In total, I can say yes to more than 80 percent of the traits and challenges of blue rays listed on that web page so perhaps I am a blue ray twin flame. My friend thinks I am.

But I won't get caught up in the idea of being a blue ray. That idea is very appealing to the ego. I just want to clear away the wounds and the programs and reveal the truth of who I am. I want to fulfill what I came here to do.

Tuesday, January 29, 2019


I just had an enlightening experience.  After I finished my yoga session I said thanks to my teacher (Fiji McAlpine of Do Yoga With Me), and then to myself and my body. Then I thought that if my body has intelligence and consciousness, which I believe it does, it must have a name. So I asked my higher self what its name was and I got the name 'Aurora'. Then I remembered that a student in the new group I'm starting to teach tomorrow is also called Aurora!

This confirmation is important to me because I recently decided to work more seriously on strengthening the connection with my higher self. I've given up using tarot, my pendulum or muscle testing for divination, as is the advice for this practice.

It seems to be working because the name Aurora is significant for another reason. I remembered I had read the name Aurora in one of the books I'm reading. So I went to the last page I read and there it was. Not understanding the context, I went back to the previous page which is the beginning of the chapter and I'm reproducing it here:

36: 3D Earth Stargate
The matrix formation that we present to you that is all that is you exists as the 'healthy matrix' within all structures that stand in alignment with Source. Blocks and repeated cycles of descending behaviour (negative emotional cycles) can cause lack of flow within various parts of the matrix. Stargate ascension with correct coordinates will not be possible with unresolved blocks and repeated negative cycles. The work within our previous transmission Masters of the Matrix will assist you in moving through these blocks and negative cycles.
 The moment that you shift your intention towards clearing, integration and stargate ascension, you activate codes that will bring your matrix into balanced flow. You can then access the stargates with the required coordinates for stargate ascension OR the ability to 'link into' or 'connect with' the 'Aurora dragon' (the collective consciousness of all the starseeds that create a cosmic unified DNA antimatter wave train of universal plasma). Starseeds who have not quite activated the required coordinates themselves can catch onto this and still ascend to 5D Gaia. 
Pixie, Magenta. The Infinite Helix and the Emerald Flame: Sacred Mysteries of Stargate Ascension (Kindle Locations 3423-3424). White Spirit Publishing. Kindle Edition. 

Last night and this morning I asked for guidance and when I was doing yoga I felt emotion moving through my body in the form of grief, sorrow and shame which I asked to release along with all the heaviness of the past. This is all part of the process I am going through at the moment especially in the dream state when I have been having vivid experiences on the astral levels, often with my ex and his current girlfriend. All part of the healing, I suppose.

My dream last night was significant because in the dream I was in a house, which I remember as being temporary, and I was in hurry to pack everything because I was leaving the next day or within a few hours. There was stuff everywhere and I was panicking because I had so much to do and I was worried I had enough boxes or plastic bags for all of it.  I remember considering throwing it all away and at one point I was giving some of my things to my ex's girlfriend before I woke up. (This really is poignantly symbolic of me wanting to clear out my memory fields.) The last image was of me finding a small set of laminated cards with pictures on but I don't remember what the pictures were. I just remember that they distracted me from what I was supposed to be doing, which is the story of my life. I'm forever being distracted from what I'm supposed to be doing!

I know that the outer world is a mirror of the inner and that I choose to create something beautiful. I forgive myself for sometimes losing sight of my goals but I fully commit now to the path I am on and look forward to seeing where it leads.

I see myself having lots of fun after all the hard work!

Thursday, January 24, 2019

The Embodiment Phase of Ascension

Sandra Walter explains what is happening during this phase, in general and to our bodies in particular with advice on how to cope with symptoms and take care of ourselves.

Sunday, January 20, 2019

Wolf Blood Supermoon

The eclipse here in Spain takes place between 3.37 and 8.48 am tomorrow morning. It is the only eclipse in 2019. It will take place in the sign of Leo, which is the opposite sign to Aquarius. The full moon always takes place in the sign opposite to the sign the sun is currently in.

The eclipse is a portal   I had not even realised that there was another eclipse this month so soon after the one in July last year. But when I found out this explained why I had suddenly become ill. I woke on Friday feeling ill but went to work hoping to feel better. However, after an hour I realised I was feeling much worse and had to go home. All weekend I have hardly been able to move due to pain in all my nerves: head, neck, spine, causing nausea and dizziness. These are the same symptoms I have had on several occasions but the worst since the solar eclipse the summer before last. Yesterday was the worst day and I slept all afternoon. I was in so much pain and discomfort that I began wondering if I should go to the doctor in case I have some sort of neurological condition. But I took matters into my own hands by doing a guided meditation by Sandra Walter. Taking advantage of an empty house I was able to sit quietly in meditation with my amethyst pendulum, my beloved clear quartz single termination and a small smoky quartz cluster for grounding.  After completing the meditation I felt much, much better.

This is the meditation in case you would like to try it.

Today I'm getting back to normal and just an hour or two ago I felt the apathy and low level depression I've been suffering from for days lift a little and some energy flow back into my body. When I finish this I'm going to do some yoga to stretch out my muscles, remove blockages and allow the energy to flow.

On Friday I looked in some of the Facebook groups I'm a member of to see if anyone else was suffering like me. There were many posts from people asking how people were coping with the increase in magnetic radiation and energy. Many people have been complaining of headaches, neck aches and exhaustion this weekend, just like me. It's nice to know I am not alone.

I'm not entirely sure what is happening to our bodies but it has something to do with a recalibration of the nervous system and upgrading of the DNA.

In Magenta Pixie's channeling above, the Nine say at the 11.50min mark:

"We call this time the Collective Detoxification, for this is that which you undergo. It is the final detox before the completion of your planet. Yet the final detox, the Great Grand Gateway, sets the stage for a new reality, the manifestation of the change that you, starseeds on Earth, truth seekers and warriors of light, have long desired, hoped for, waited for and intended. Now this comes to pass. Yet your missions are not yet over for you now choose the configuration to create at the time of the Great Grand Gateway, the fifth dimensional portal to Gaia. If you choose retribution, anger, revenge, punishment and an inflated sense of ego due to your winning the game, if you will, you begin to feed the starved, dark worker factions once again. So they may fuel the inverted merkaba, that is not a merkaba, and spin the black box black cube. If you choose compassion, forgiveness, joy, togetherness, creativity and the path to collective ascension, you do not watch the darkness fall and turn your back on it, if you will, you watch the light rise and walk towards it. You focus on the glory of the Now moment and the wonder of the future reality. You take action and create the ascension timeline in alignment with all that is you on a collective, planetary and galactic level. The dark-worker, hive-mind reality will naturally fall away from your view and will live out the reality they have created. Your compassion and forgiveness is not weakness, it is the reclaiming of your own momentum. Compassion powers your merkaba and forgiveness clears the skies so you may fly free with your eyes wide open and your new-found wings stronger than you ever believed possible.

The way to access the energy of the Great Grand Gateway and be part of the creation of the new world through the Wolf Blood Supermoon and the total lunar eclipse 20-21 January 2019, is to work individually and collectively. Meditation or other spiritual practice, creation of the altar, ceremonial high-magic and celebration all have their place. Collectively you join through your hearts, for you become one mind through becoming one heart. You join with the heartbeat of mother Gaia and you walk to the beat of her drum. Your drum, the Schumann Resonance frequency that powers through your cellular system and transforms your DNA so that in turn you transform your environment and thus the world. At this time of collective detoxification, you may be called to detoxify in your own life, with friends, family, places, events, houses, foods, liquids, thoughts, emotions. Go with this, for this is most natural as you stand as a replica, mirror image of the Earth that is beneath your feet and the star-filled skies above. You are a cosmic being, a galactic being. Detoxification symptoms are not always easy and are often a challenge to go through. Yet, rather than run from the detox, you embrace it for you know it clears your system and brings you into optimum health and healing so that you may express yourself as the greatest version of yourself. This is the match to the environmental energetic which is that we call the ascension timeline. The Wolf transformed in your mind from the trickster who falsely befriends you so he may consume you, into the powerful strong, gloriously beautiful wild animal running free. This is the transformation that takes place. You embrace the wolf of your choice at the time of the Wolf Moon - the constricted or the empowered."

Tuesday, January 15, 2019