Monday, May 29, 2017

Ascension Waves

I found these articles last night but they perfectly explain the mysterious flu-like illness I have which started with shoulder and neck pain last Thursday. Yesterday, I had to leave work and come home for the first time in years. I was feeling very dizzy and disorientated with headache and neckache and fever. The neckache thing is not new. I get it now and then. But it passes after a day or two. It is always exactly the same and I always feel stronger afterwards. This time however it has been much stronger and I'm still feeling it but work calls.  I have been meditating on it, sitting with the feelings. I feel the upgrade and I have noticed that I don't want lower vibrational things in my field. I'm ready to let go of the need to keep trying to inform others and feel like I want to focus on my own process. I always knew intellectually that the best way to help others was by healing myself but now I feel like I know this experientially. All I can do is love, love, love!

Feeling much better now after a day at work - never thought I'd say that! Still some backache but only a little. I really don't want to do the things I was doing before. I'm not interested in mainstream news and culture at all and the alternative news seems to have disintegrated into petty squabbling and disinformation. It's difficult to discern fact from fiction but what is interesting is that it doesn't seem to matter to me all that much any more. I'm disengaging from the drama because I know that's what I need to do to stay sane and healthy. I feel like the truth is that the old paradigm is crumbling before our eyes and it's fighting desperately to remain relevant and keep people spellbound with drama. The controllers are losing control and they are trying very hard to keep our attention as it is literally our energy, our focus, that holds the whole ridiculous charade together.

I know it's time to turn my focus towards something new. I want to focus more on new things, new ways of doing things and, more importantly, new ways of thinking. I have done my part helping with the destruction of the old and now it's time to lend a hand creating the new.


Here is an article with some interesting information and a Q&A. I find the information about the vortices particularly interesting and I have felt drawn to places with strong energy. I enjoy going to places such as churches and stone circles for this reason. I have often been surprised by my own reaction such as at West Kennet Long Barrow where I started crying suddenly for no reason.

Shu Nun stone mound in Ukraine

Wednesday 7 June

I have been sooo tired today! I start early on Wednesdays but it was more difficult than usual to work this morning. I had to nap in my car twice today during my breaks. Only 20 minutes each time but it helped. I still feel light-headed and everything feels different, kind of dreamlike. Nothing feels the same since my "ascension sickness". It feels so much better and today I feel really positive whereas yesterday I was in pain, a lot of pain. Emotional pain because I am purging, I think. I was full of doubt because I am in love but I still didn't feel worthy. But today I don't feel so much self-doubt. I feel more like I am moving into a state of acceptance. I know I am not perfect and I am not ________ (enter my usual 1,000 adjectives of self-flagellation) but as with the problems of the world that for so long I felt were my personal responsibility, today I feel like it's all good. I am as I am and that's enough. I am releasing my attachment to the outcome. I am realising that I can love and not expect anything in return. What makes me happy is to love and to love so deeply and so honestly, so unconditionally. I love him and it's enough. A week ago I felt the energy change between us and I didn't know why. I was afraid I was going to lose him forever. I don't know what is happening in his life or why I sense so many different emotions (energy in motion) but now I know that I can stay strong. I am releasing fear and so my ego, the feisty warrior who fights so hard for me when I need her to, is taking a break and allowing my higher self to take the reins for a while. I need guidance to step into this new phase of my life and for that I need a strong connection which can only be attained with a higher, subtler vibration. Acceptance is that higher vibration and it feels like peace.